Should I buy a tv license?

Simple question, isn’t it?

Now I hope you don’t think I’m the kind of chap to break the rules - or indeed to shirk my civic responsibilities.

But am having a bit of a dilemma on this one.  You see, until now, I haven’t had a tv license. 

Stop tutting and hear me out! 

Not everyone who watches telly in the UK needs one.  A bit like not all who travel the streets must pay road tax.

Using that example, a swathe of road users don’t pay, from classic car nuts to hybrid drivers.  And of course those two-wheeled heroes, the cyclists.

(Pedants corner - I don’t mean the drivers are half human, though they may be, just those who drive half electric cars.   By which I don’t mean they drive half a car, but rather that the car is partly electric.  And I know, there’s no such thing as road tax anyway, it’s vehicle excise duty…).

My point is that tv licenses are similar in that a whole bunch of people are exempt - oldies, students, you name it.  And this is an accepted part of the system, an imperfect but laudable attempt to make it ‘fair’ for everyone.

I have an even better excuse:  I don’t have a tv!

Though actually, even this isn’t clear-cut.  It’s true I don’t own an old-fashioned box - but I do have a fancy new computer, and I certainly download the odd programme from BBC iPlayer.  Now strictly speaking, I don’t need a license for this: the letter of the law is that you only need one if you watch ‘live as broadcast’, and I don’t. 

So I’m off the hook, right?

Actually not.  Thinking about it, my excuse was precisely analogous to the contemptible ‘we don’t avoid, we evade’ defense of Vodafone, Starbucks, Amazon and other such despicable tax-dodgers.

The letter of the law (and the whole tax system) must be tightened, though don’t hold your breath for swift action from the privileged elite presently in charge. 

But in the meantime we have a personal responsibility too; the spirit of the law is clear.  If you make millions in profit, pay your share in tax.  And if you benefit from the BBC, ditto.

Not to mention that every single day I have the pleasure of listening to some of the most erudite and compelling public sector broadcasting anywhere – from BBC Radio. 

And surely I have no more right to listen without paying, as has the head of Starbucks to ask to be patched up in an NHS A&E after a mysterious accident with a blueberry muffin, despite dodging the taxes that pay for it (now there’s a maliciously pleasing thought!).

So I’ve taken the moral high ground – I have now bought a license.

And no, it’s not because Match of the Day is only shown live, nor that I just can't wait to watch Strictly.  Rather, it's because I value the BBC, despite its present turmoil.  For as long as this is the system to pay for it, I will put my money where my mouth is. 

Now, I must go take this Voda-call and finish my chai-latte before the Amazon delivery arrives…

Top twenty tales of Oxford!

Guests are a blessing.  Particularly when they are your oldest friend and his lovely new lady.  And especially when the new bathroom was finished just in time.

Not only do they warm your heart, they also open your eyes, seeing the familiar through the fresh lens of a newcomer.

Here's my top twenty tales of Oxford from the unashamedly touristy tour I took with Nick and Fay last weekend:

1. Another Time:  there's a Gormley statue hidden just off Broad Street - how long has that been lurking there?

2. New Bodleian:  designed by Gilbert Scott (the phone box chap), being refurbished thanks to Garfield Weston (the wagon wheel chap)

3. Old Indian Institute:  John Betjeman dismissed it in 1938 as an “everlasting yellow building”, but who can't love the elephant with 'howdah' carriage?

4. William Morris:  Oxford was home to two, the arts & crafts chap, and the minors & minis chap

5. Turf Tavern:  "an education in intoxication", where Aussie premier Bob Hawke drank a yard of ale in 11 seconds, and Bill Clinton 'did not inhale'...

6. Hertford College, 'Bridge of Sighs':  I like the myth that students here were so fat they closed the bridge so they'd get exercise from the stairs...

7. Radcliffe Camera:  the guy who paid for it didn't like books, so maybe that's why there are 600,000 of them buried beneath it?

8. University Church of St Mary:  scene of religious hatred over the years, but also proud birthplace of Oxfam

9. Bodlian Library Quad:  King James and his two books - one talks of "a custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain..." - but is it praying to his bible, or his counterblaste to tobacco?

10. Oxford Arms:  an open book, to be read from top to bottom - in contrast to Cambridge's shut one.  What can you learn from a closed volume?  (But then, what good is a work open only at one page?)

11. Gargoyles:  "a long and proud tradition of rudeness, mischief and disobedience" (Philip Pullman) - but there are also 9 new ones on the Bodleian, designed by local schoolchildren, including a dodo, three men in a boat - and tweedledum & tweedledee

12. Sheldonian theatre:  fronted by ancient busts of philosophers (except they're emperors - and 1970s replacements!)

13. Wadham Quad:  liberal, progressive, renowned for diversity and left-wing politics - I had to wait for the 'Free Palaestine' protesters to move so I could get a nice shot of the courtyard!

14. Wadham College:  despite its enlightened reputation, and being founded by Dorothy, women were banned for centuries, with the only exception a laundress of 'such age, condition, and reputation as to be above suspicion'!

15. Rhodes college:  as in Cecil Rhodes, founder of De Beers, Rhodesia, and Rhodes scholorships. Something of a colonialist, judging by his will: "Just fancy those parts that are at present inhabited by the most despicable specimens of human beings, what an alteration there would be if they were brought under Anglo-Saxon influence". Hmmm!

16. Keble college:  some call it 'streaky bacon', a French visitor is said to have mistaken it for the train station, and neighbours St John's set up a club where the length of your membership depends on which colour bricks you steal!

17. Keble chapel: rather beautiful, and home of William Holman Hunt’s Pre-Raphaelite painting The Light of the World (1853) - though it's on loan to the National Gallery just now...

18. Rowing:  quite a deal in these parts, bumping other colleges, boasting in graffiti, then getting oars broken and trying to mow down innocent protestors in the boat race...

19. St John's college:  guilty of giving us Tony Blair, but makes up for it by running the Lamb and Flag pub, famous for hosting meetings of the VSO Oxford supporter group

20.  All Souls:  no undergraduates, sometimes no students as the entrance exams are so damn hard, and very occasionally a strange parade involving a mallard - a fitting end to our tour

Movember!

Aim: 

“To change the face of men’s health” 

Definitions:

A Mo Bro is a gentleman voluntarily participating in events described as ‘Movember’.  A Mo Sista is a woman who loves a Mo and is dedicated to supporting him through his moustache-growing journey.  

Rules:

Each Mo Bro must:

Begin 1^st Movember with a clean shaven face

Grow and groom a moustache for the entire month

Avoid joining of the mo to the sideburns (that’s a beard), or to the chin (that’s a goatee) 

Conduct himself like a true gentleman 

Background: 

Since its humble beginnings in 2004 in Melbourne, Movember has grown to become a global movement, with over 854,000 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas participating in 2011.

The key aim is to raise awareness of men’s health, specifically prostate and testicular cancer.  Mo Bros effectively become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of November.  Their actions and words prompt private and public conversation around these often ignored issues.  This in turn helps to educate about health risks, change established habits and attitudes, and encourage action, thus increasing the chances of early detection, diagnosis and effective treatment.

A secondary objective is to raise funds, with nearly £80m donated worldwide last year.  The Movember Foundation commits to supporting a broad range of innovative, world-class programmes in line with their strategic goals of awareness and education, survivorship and research.  In the UK the key recipients are Prostate Cancer UK and the Institute of Cancer Research.

Risk log:

The following key risks have been identified, stating risk description, likelihood x severity = risk rating, and proposed mitigation:
* Mo turns out ginger.  1 * 4 = 4 (low).  Purchase of black wax.
* ‘Looking gay’.  4 * 2 = 8 (medium).  Equality training.
* Exposure to unwanted attention, mockery, and ridicule.  5 * 2 = 10 (high).  Live with it Mo Bro! 

Discussion:

The important contribution of Mo Sistas is acknowledged, yet remains secondary.  Is this acceptable, on the basis that men have much to do to emulate advances in the women’s health movement? 

Conversely, is there a way to more directly involve our lady friends, without drawing undesired attention to hirsuitism of the female labium superius oris?

As of 2011 Canadians were the largest contributors to the Movember charities of any nation.  What are the lessons from this?  Do Canadians grow the dodgiest moustaches?

What remedial action should be taken regarding men who voluntarily grow a mo outwith the agreed month 11 timescale?

Recent coverage suggested that a mo makes a man’s face more memorable.  Is this not, however, the one time of the year you do not want to be remembered? 

Conclusion:

On the basis of the available evidence, it is concluded that Movember is a “jolly good idea”.  

Next steps:

Grow a dodgy mo this Movember, in full conjunction with the aforementioned rules.  Furthermore, to provide photographic evidence of such on at least a weekly basis through a dedicated website and the media of popular social networks.  Action:  Oly

Support and encourage Oly in a fitting manner.  At your entire discretion this could include posting supportive comments, pledging monetary support, or even joining in as a Mo Bro or Mo Sista yourself.  Action:  You