Time to play fair?

You can tell much about a game from what the commentators discuss over half-time tea. 

Yesterday, the indomitable Alan Green found so little of merit in Aston Villa against Fulham that he spent his cuppa debating Tiger Woods and the concept of ‘fair play’!

My abiding memory of my year as a student in Dijon is the football coach asking for a volunteer to swap teams, to even up the sides.  Everyone studied their boots, so I stepped forward.  “Voila!” he exclaimed, “Le fair play anglais!”

Now I’m not sure this is actually the best example of the genre:  I was trying to do the decent thing, but it was more about teamwork, social behaviour, maybe leadership. 

So what exactly is ‘fair play’?  I was surprised to find no clear definition of the term (no, not even on Wikipedia!). 

Isn’t it just obeying the rules?  That is necessary, it’s true – but not sufficient; it goes beyond the legal and into the moral - you must also act in the spirit of the law. 

Normally I would be scathing about such vague concepts:  surely it’s either allowed or not allowed, and that’s all there is to it?

But in sport (as in life?) it’s just not enough to obey the law - you also have to behave with honesty and integrity.  

Here’s my definition of fair play:  as well as following the rules, you must i) never try to gain an unfair advantage, and ii) admit it if you gain one. 

Thus in cricket, when a ball is slightly ‘edged’, the trajectory is unchanged – it can’t be seen, and can be heard only by the batsman.  He alone has the advantage of knowing if there was contact, and to play fair, he must admit it.  This is well-understood and powerfully important to the game:  you don’t wait for the umpire’s signal, if you know you are out, then you walk.

This explains the outcry when the English team adopted ‘bodyline’ tactics to beat the Aussie’s in the 1932 Ashes series – the aggressive, short-pitched bowling and intimidatory fielding were within the laws of the game at the time, but certainly not the spirit.  More recently, it was the Australians themselves who bowled underarm against New Zealand in 1981 to deny them a chance of hitting a six on the last ball – in the rules, but against the spirit.  Put simply, these were just ‘not cricket’.

But maybe I’m simply an old-fashioned romantic?  Perhaps the concept of fair play is antithetical to the single-minded will to win required to become an elite athlete in the modern age?

I don’t believe so.  For each villain there’s a hero:  for every cold-blooded cheat like Lance Armstrong, there’s Bradley Wiggins, refusing to take advantage of nails being strewn in the path of the 14^th stage of last year’s Tour de France.  For every cynical handball of Suarez or Maradonna, there’s a Miroslav Klose confessing to the referee that his goal was unfair, or Paulo di Caneo (yes him!) catching the ball when he could have volleyed a goal because the keeper was injured.

So we should be disappointed with Tiger Woods:  I don’t understand exactly what he did wrong, but it was clearly against the spirit of the game.  His final ranking in this year’s Masters will be quickly forgotten, but the level of integrity and honour in his response will not:  I hope Tiger Woods shows us he is a true champion, and decides to play fair.

Is it time to end your relationship?

I know what it’s like:  you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s become comfortable, easy, habitual.  You don’t have to think about how things function – most of the time things just flow along as always.

If there’s a sudden betrayal, a collapse – then it’s hard.  But at least then it’s clear what you must do:  the relationship is over, you have to move on.  Hopefully next time you’ll choose better.

But what if things never quite come to a crunch?  There’s no crash, but neither are things as they should be, and when you think about it, they haven’t been right for a while. 

Of course, there have always been problems, irritations.  Perhaps things, easily ignored, but which fundamentally do not chime with your own values.  

Greed for example – could you spend your life with one you regard as fundamentally selfish?  

What if there are questionable investments?  What if behavior isn’t as honourable as you’d like in dealings with others?  Or if your needs are just shrugged off with an insidious, low-level lack of interest?

I know what you think:  it’s not perfect, but it’s comfortable and easy – no need to panic.

No!  Now is exactly the time you need to bail out.  You only live once, and you deserve better than this.  Do you really want to look back on your life and realize that your key decisions, your relationship, was all with the wrong one?  Do you really want to think of your life’s investment as being with an unworthy partner?

Here’s what to do:  if you are still giving everything to the same old *anker, and never getting back what you’d expect, then it’s time to walk away – now!  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, and indeed for us all.

I know it’s a big step, but I promise you’ll feel so much better for it.  There are even websites which can help.

All I can say is it worked for me:  I believe I will be with my present partner for life.  I’m confident that our relationship is based on a clear, positive choice, not fear or inertia.  My life’s investment is with one who shares my core values.  I’m sure I will be satisfied, happy, even proud. 

In fact, it’s pretty easy to change from your dodgy old bank and transfer to an ethical one instead.  Or would you rather look back on your life knowing you spent it with the wrong one?