The hard sell

Mr Hypotec:  [Smiling]  Congratulations, your mortgage came through!

Oly:  [Excited]  A shed of my own!

Katja:  [Dreamy]  I think lilac for the lounge…

Mr Hypotec:  You have buildings insurance?

Oly:  Should we?

Mr Hypotec:  No buildings insurance, no mortgage.

Oly:  Um, ok, if you could get us a quote…

Mr Hypotec:  You’ll be wanting contents cover too?

Katja:   How many shoes fit in that downstairs cupboard?

Oly:  Naah, we’ve nothing worth nicking...  and  I doubt Iffley hill is often under water!

Katja:  There were floods when I first arrived in Oxford - I went to the shops to buy boots, but I hardly spoke English.  It took ages and my feet got soaked – probably as I was asking to buy ‘willies’!

Mr Hypotec:  Heh heh, well it’s your shout - but what if the house burns down?

Oly:  Yeah I guess – it’s just that where we’ve just been living you can’t even get insurance – you kind of ‘insure your self’. 

Katja:  Is that fizzing noise our Cambodian fairy lights?

Oly:  Actually, maybe a quote on that too…

Mr Hypotec:  With pleasure.  Now:  do you travel?  Like to ski?

Oly:  Is the pope a Catholic?  But we get annual travel cover from our Coop bank account.

Katja:  He’s German also, the pope.  And he loves cats, like me.  But they're not allowed in his palace.  

Mr Hypotec:  You’ll be wanting life insurance of course…

Oly:  Will we?

Mr Hypotec:  [Signs]  Well, what if you die?  Could Katja pay the mortgage?

Katja:  It’s ok - for $15 you can buy a little cardinal hat.  For the cat.

Oly:  I agree that some insurance you have to have:  if you want to buy a house, you need buildings insurance;  if you choose to drive, you have to be insured.  

Mr Hypotec:  Agreed.  And if you take a mortgage, you need life insurance, yes?

Oly:  No!  For everything else – including life - you choose whether to buy insurance or to cover the possible cost yourself.  It depends on your attitude to risk – and the cost of the premium.  

Mr Hypotec:  Well, everyone gets life insurance - including the poor chap your age I saw just last week who's now dead of a terrible brain disease called  defectum discrimine ratio...  I mean, are you really saying you’ll insure yourself against the unlikely event of a ski accident, but not the certainty of your own death? – and for a man like you, isn’t Katja worth £100 a month?

Oly:  Woah, that’s more logical fallacies than straw men at an Iowan corn-dolly convention!

Mr Hypotec:  [Resigned] Oh dear, another philosopher.  Well I’ll leave you to think through your insurance options.  Congratulations again on the mortgage!  [He finally leaves].

Oly:  Phew!  He’s a decent mortgage advisor – and so he should be, we’re paying him £600 for that.  But do we really need life insurance?

Katja:  Hmmm?

Oly:  Well, all this insurance stuff – do you think he’s just putting on a hard sell as he’s on commission?  

Katja:  Should we get pet insurance for Tiddles?