First week at work: the critical importance of milk

My first week in a new job!

It's an intense experience - a new commute to navigate, complicated buildings to explore, different people (and systems, and politics) to understand.  And of course an exciting fresh role to get my teeth into.

Meeting new colleagues is interesting and stimulating, but also exhausting - desperately failing to remember names and fit them into my blurry mental map, whilst all the time giving a decent first impression.  Five days in and I'm truly shattered.

I distinctly remember my first day at school:  I had firmly decided to stage a raging tantrum on arrival, only for a towering six-year-old, none other than the angelic Beverley Davies, to gaze into my teary eyes, hand me a warm bottle of milk and simmer "You know me, don't you?"...

First day in Cambodia was rather different - at first a deserted hospital, then an interminable meeting where I risked dying of hunger, boredom or piles from the hard wooden bench.  Later came the undeniable temptations of a bare-headed moto ride, a platter of pigs trotters and my first afternoon getting drunk with the boss.

Compared to these, my first week here seems straightforward...  On retiring to the kitchen to gather my thoughts I realised that, based on several workplaces, I have perfected a quick and highly accurate assessment of how well an organisation functions.  Forget key performance indicators or satisfaction surveys, the crucial test is... the milk!

You see, my worst workplace was a dire hospital in southern Glasgow - not only physically collapsing (bits falling off the roof, walls crumbling), but also an organisation in meltdown.  Staff were uniformly dispirited, suspicious, paranoid.  Nobody shared anything, from important information to the time of day.  And all this was reflected by a mouldy fridge, packed with dozens of individually, defensively-labelled milk cartons - it really was each for themselves!

In contrast, the best places I've worked - and happily there have been several - really valued their staff.  They didn't necessarily pay well, but they genuinely cared, launching a virtuous spiral of happiness and good behaviour to both other colleagues and clients alike.  And you guessed it - without exception, the very best places to work are distinguished by having a clearly arranged milk rota (with extra credit for teabag provision, fridge cleaning arrangements and barrels of biscuits!). 

Given the statistically significant correlation between the micro (refreshment system) and the macro (organisational functionality), how does my new place rate?

Good news:  a clean, well stocked fridge and large, shared milk cartons was a great start (though there were two separate bottles, so there is not yet complete harmony).  The provision of free tea and coffee, a water filter and even a dishwasher were also excellent signs - this is going to be a great workplace.

Having established a positive baseline, I will now specifically assess how well my new colleagues work as a team.  Drawing on years of office experience and my indispensible master's degree in management, I know exactly the way to find out.

I just need to watch and see:  will anyone refill the kettle?